Alice's Awakening, my new eNovella

Below an excerpt from my new eNovella, Alice’s Awakening, in which a fictional twelve year old girl tells the story of how she meets Jim Dreaver (who is very much alive and real!), a spiritual teacher and author of the nonfiction book, End Your Story, Begin Your Life in Douglas Park in Santa Monica. I told him my name, and stood near him. I immediately sensed there was something different about Jim. He seemed to be very patient and kind and his gaze was soft, warm, and welcoming (a word I learned from Jim). He reminded me in some ways of Uncle Charlie, but even more present. Then he asked me a question no one’s ever asked me before. “So, Alice, do you know who and what you really are?” “I’m me, of course,” I said. “I’m Alice.” “Alice is your name, yes… But the name ‘Alice,’ which is a lovely name, by the way, comes and goes… Do you know who and what you are behind your name, behind all your thoughts and ideas about who you are which also come and go?” I didn’t say anything as I thought about his question. It both puzzled and interested me: who and what am I behind my name, behind my thoughts? Suddenly, I wanted to know. I sat down on the bench a few feet away from him. I looked at him. He was still smiling in that kind way he had, and his blue eyes continued to sparkle. Finally I said, a little uncertainly, “I… I don’t know… I mean, I’ve never really thought about it… But now I’m really interested… I really want to know who and what I am behind my name, behind my thoughts…” He chuckled. “Beautiful, Alice… Because this knowledge, which is really the knowledge of your true nature, will free you from all fear and worry forever, essentially, so that you will be truly happy… And no matter what you end up doing with your gifts and talents, you’ll have a beautiful, wonderful life… And, even importantly, you’ll make a positive difference in the lives of others…” “That sounds really good to me,” I nodded, as I thought about what it would mean to be happy all the time, and make other people happier. “So, where do I begin?” “You begin right now with just sitting quietly on this bench, and noticing everything within and around you… Taking it all in…” To receive your own PDF of the novella, send a payment of $9.95 to jdreaver@aol.com via www.paypal.com

End Your Drama

Tired of the drama in your life, of living with a recurrent, underlying feeling of anxiety, fear, guilt, anger, or some other form of emotional reactivity? Want your life to flow more harmoniously, easily, and smoothly? All drama is created through believing a story of some kind, such as “Why does this always happen to me?” or “I guess I’m just not worthy.” But the more you see that you are not any story or the emotions they trigger—because they come and go—the freer and more alive in the present you are. Then you see everything with new eyes, and can take fresh action to deal with whatever problem may be facing you. Moreover, your heart really opens, and you feel immense love and compassion for everyone and everything.

The Final "Seeing"

You will look back on your life, your past, and realize how easy awakening actually is, when you take the direct, or nondual path, which is seeing that you are not any thought or story about what is happening, but rather the awareness or consciousness which sees. In other words, you are always this, right here, right now—this beautiful person, this human being that sees, experiences, and responds intelligently and creatively to the situations, including the challenges and problems, that arise in your own life and the lives of those whom you love and care about. What is needed for this final “seeing” that will liberate you from inner conflict, stress, and suffering forever? It is simple: again, you must be extremely vigilant, watchful your own mental and emotional reactions and disturbances whenever they arise, and then to see to “whom” they arise—this imaginary “I,” the ego “self” or “person” that you take yourself to be. So vigilance, and in particular, self-vigilance is the watchword. Truly, this is a teaching for our time. The more moments you have of this relaxed, but alert presence, the more it becomes your true nature. But argue for your “story,” and it’s yours.

Glimmers of Freedom

Regarding awakening , it takes time to undo the illusory sense of “self,” the “story” you’ve been fabricating in your mind and in your emotional being since you were very, very young. But if you are committed to waking up and becoming free, the undoing gets easier and easier. It begins with getting glimmers, tastes of the freedom that is your true nature. You feel much clearer, more loving, more creatively empowered, although strangely it is not a personal sense of power, but impersonal—your power just is. It flows through you, from the universe itself. You intuit that your true nature is love, and this wonderful sense of inner freedom and empowerment.

Easy Awakening

Awakening is easy if you remember this: every time you experience conflict, upset, or suffering take a deep, slow breath, and relax as much as you can into being here now. Then notice how you are not any thought or story about what seems to be happening—not even the “I” or “me” thoughts—because they, like the emotional reactions they trigger, come and go. Rather, you are the clear, spacious awareness that is always, always here. The more you realize this, the more you embody the liberating sense of freedom that is your true nature. Then your heart opens to everyone, and everything in your life flows more easily because you no longer resist anything.

Permission

I want to say something here about permission. When people are not awake to their true nature, it’s as if they are always seeking someone’s permission—be it a parent, a friend, or someone else in society—to be themselves, to be who they want to be. And society, being what it is, and depending on its culture and customs, has rules and guidelines around behavior that is and is not acceptable. But awakening to the truth within frees you from needing anyone’s permission to be yourself. The more awake and free you are, the more you are guided by the flow of wisdom, love, and joy within. You need no one’s permission to be yourself, and are guided by the one simple rule that every conscious person lives by: do no harm, to self or other.

The Ego's Need to Be Right

You ego, in a nutshell, is simply your “I” or “me” thought. This means that everyone has an ego, so the idea of “ego annihilation,” still persistent in some spiritual circles, is an illusion. The shift in perception that is realization is to see that you have an ego, but you are not your ego. So long as you still believe you are this “I” or “me” you’ve taken yourself to be since you were very young, you will always feel separate and apart from other human beings, other “selves,” and from the flow of life itself. Ego or “self” identification is to live in duality, in conflict and suffering. There is the “me” and what it wants or likes (health, money, sex, possessions, etc.), and then there is the flip side, the “me” and what it doesn’t want, or doesn’t like. One of the main characteristics of ego-identification is that it always needs to be right, because it needs to affirm its own existence, the existences of this “self,” the “person” that it takes itself to be. For example, if it is preoccupied with thoughts of low self-esteem, low self-worth, or an existential meaninglessness, it may be drawn to the idea of suicide, “self” extinction. So, even in doing away with itself, it continues to get to be right. The shadow side of the ego’s need to be right is that, in order to maintain its belief in itself as a separate entity, it needs to make other egos, other “selves” wrong. This dynamic is behind most of the conflict and suffering in the world.