What to Tell your Children about God

If you have young children, they might ask you about how we all came to be here, and who or what created everything. What story do you tell them? First, before you tell them anything, really gaze lovingly into their eyes, and connect with them at pure, being-to-being level. This is the most important thing you will ever do for your children. It lets them know, reassures them, that they are loved by you, and reminds them that their true nature is love. The more you do this, the less your child will grow up with any emotional wounding. Instead, they will grow up in freedom, with a real awareness of their true nature, of the beautiful little human beings they are. After this moment, or a few minutes, of loving, silent communion, then you can speak—or they may have something to communicate to you! To say that our true nature is pure loving consciousness, and that we all came from consciousness and will one day die and dissolve back into the vastness from when we came, is obviously a lot to wrap their little minds around—and not very comforting! So tell them whatever you like. Give them a good “story” about God, and heaven, and the moral importance of being good and kind to others. Even have them, if you want, attend church, temple, or the mosque so they get a more formal introduction to religion and its “stories.” As they reach an age where they are more present, more aware, and can self-reflect, you can begin to introduce them to the truth: that any “story” is just that—a story! It is just like the Santa Claus myth. It is great for young kids, but they generally realize the truth about Santa themselves when they are nine or ten, and some a lot younger. Then you can teach them about their true nature, and that the “God” people venerate, or hate, is really the impersonal, universal consciousness behind all creation—which is my “story!” You can talk to them about how they will gather many, many stories as they grow up, but they are never their “stories,” but rather the beautiful, young people who are here, right now…

Desire

Many spiritual paths talk about getting free of personal desires in order to find truth, to find “God.” Monks in various traditions deny themselves the normal pleasures and desires of the world, including and especially sexual desire, because they see it as a hindrance to inner freedom and union with God. As a result, many monks, priests, and nuns throughout history, being otherwise normal human beings, have burned inwardly with resistance, and struggled to overcome, their sexual desires, let alone their other desires—for power, possessions, intoxicants, or whatever. After decades of this inner struggle, many of them become dry and ascetic, shells of their former vital selves. I’ve met and known a few such monks and nuns myself. Fortunately, on this, the nondual path to awakening, there is no such exclusion of desire. Desire is still very much there—the desire for sex, for partnership and intimacy, for food and sleep, for a change of atmosphere or environment, or even to alter or expand your consciousness through the occasional use of alcohol or drugs. You still have your likes and dislikes, your preferences, but they don’t run you anymore. For example, if a desire arises to make love to your partner, and then it doesn’t happen because he or she says no, there’s no sense of frustration or disappointment. Or if there is, it is fleeting, and it falls away naturally. You’re always in the moment, and there’s always something new and interesting happening in every moment. The key thing to know about these normal, human desires is that they arise and fall away, just like everything else in life. So, the more awake and free you are, the less attached to your desires you are. If they can’t be satisfied right now, you are okay with that. After all, you are already established in your true nature, one with the ease, harmony, and flow of life. Understand this, and desire—any desire—will not be a problem.

Shifting from Intellectual “Knowing” to Embodied Experience

The more you do the freedom practice whenever the slightest trace of conflict or suffering arises within you, the more you shift from intellectual, “head” knowledge of what is needed for inner freedom, to the embodied experience of it. The 8th Century’s Shankara, from India, was one of the original masters of nondual wisdom, the understanding of reality as fundamentally one, indivisible Whole. He said: “The realization of truth is brought about by discrimination, and not in the least by ten millions of acts.” What he meant by this is all the spiritual techniques and practices, and all the good works in the world, will not set you free. Working with the body or engaging in breathing techniques alone won’t do it. Meditation won’t do it. Serious meditators can sit for twenty or thirty years and not find true freedom. Not even compassionate service to mankind will do it. Think of Mother Teresa, working to help the poor, sick, and dying in Calcutta who, when she herself died, was a somewhat tortured soul according to her diary, questioning her very belief and faith in Jesus. The above practices are beneficial—and more love and compassion are for sure needed throughout the world—but only this fundamental shift in perception, the “discrimination” Shankara talked about, will set you free. The shift, the distinction is seeing that the limited, ego-bound perspective of “me, myself, and my story” is not real at all, precisely because your story comes and goes, shifts and changes. The more you see this, the more you relax into the present moment, into here and now, and the more you experience the expanded vision of clear, thought-free, present-time awareness. The more you stay in your mind, however—“thinking” about what you may have just realized—the more your understanding remains at the level of the intellect. It is just more “story,” more belief, and the experience doesn’t become your embodied reality. To make the shift, you must see that you are the seeing. You must become aware that you are not your body, mind, or senses because these can be observed. Rather, you are what is observing. What you actually are is pristine awareness or consciousness existing here, now, and expressing through this unique instrument, this individual body/mind/self called “you.” You are the timeless, unchanging awareness noticing and responding to the endlessly changing drama that is life. You are the consciousness giving birth to the entire world between your ears, the world that you have always thought of as “you!” When you realize this, and when you are fully alive and present in this moment now, then your experience is embodied.

How Your Awakening Helps Heal Our World

The more of us that awaken to the realization of our true nature—to the Reality that we are underneath the ever-changing relative reality of daily life—the sooner we will see a world that really is peaceful and happy. We will see a world run by a spirit of joyful, creative harmony as we work together to solve our mutual problems and challenges, and address the as-yet unknown opportunities awaiting us. The more conscious and present we are, the more impact we have on our world. What is needed for each of us to realize our true nature? It is simple, although not necessarily easy. It requires that we individually awaken to the truth of our deepest being—to awaken to inner freedom, the freedom that does not depend upon outer circumstances. Fortunately, this awakening is happening with increasing rapidity throughout the world today. Young people and old, those who have been on a spiritual quest for only a short time, and those who have been pursuing it for many years, decades in some cases, are now waking up. Our future looks bright. What is it about awakening to our true nature—to our innate love and wisdom—that is so liberating? We truly do become psychologically and emotionally fearless, and we radiate a goodwill toward everyone and everything that is unconditional. We feel our connection to the Whole of creation, and especially our interconnection, or oneness, with humanity. Every single human being, we realize, is a reflection of us in our essence. When we strip away all the beliefs and stories that divide us, we truly are one. Collectively, we are the ocean, manifesting in these marvelously creative and diverse wave-forms called “humanity.” Increasingly, we bring our loving presence—or, what Albert Schweitzer called a “reverence for life”—to every moment, every encounter. After all, the freer we are, the deeper our love. Moreover, other people feel seen when we relate to them with love and caring. In romantic love, this is the true meaning of intimacy—into me see. Over time, this love only grows deeper and stronger, and its energy brighter, more powerful. Like the inner peace we experience when we’re awake and free, we discover that love shines on its own. We don’t have to go looking for it, and we don’t have to “try” to love ourselves, for love, we realize, is within us. When we are truly relaxed, feeling one with the natural ease, harmony, and flow of life, we discover again and again that it is, indeed, our very nature. And love always finds us, wherever we are, in almost all of our interactions—a look, a touch, a smile, a tender gesture, a kind word exchanged, a generosity given or received. The old adage that like attracts like is no truer than when it applies to love.

It's All Good

More and more today, people who are awakening to genuine freedom within themselves—who are realizing the love that is their true nature—are using the simple but profound phrase: “It’s all good.” But how can this be, you might wonder? What can possibly be “good” about parents, for example, losing their child to an accident, suicide, or murder? What can be “good” about a situation where your best friend has just died suddenly, or as a result of an illness? Or where there has been some other personal devastation, such as your losing a job you depended on, or financial ruin or some other crisis, or the person you thought you loved so deeply suddenly leaving you for another? On the surface, these events are severe blows—and, in the case of death, particularly of the young, tragic—and they need to be honored as such. You need to take the time to grieve and mourn your loss. But after the period of sorrow, of deep sadness is over—however long that takes—you will realize, at some point, that it is what it is, and you are here. You are here, right now, in this very moment. You will see how the sad or tragic incident served as a wake-up call, in other words. It is calling you to wake up to something deeper with you, a deeper level of love and wisdom that wants to emerge from within, and guide you in your life now. Maybe you will have a major realization, an epiphany, or a series of smaller awakenings or insights as a result of what has happened to you—something that will give renewed direction and purpose to your life. The more you are open to learning whatever lesson life has to teach you, the more the lesson will come. You have been through the fire of personal suffering, and it has resulted in your being even more present in your life—more awake, freer, more unconditionally loving. And you can now say, too, that it’s all, in the end, good. An interesting side note: “God” is only one letter away from “good,” so when you say it’s all good, maybe what you are really saying is that “It’s all God.” For those of who still believe in “God,” it is something to think about…

It is What it Is

The more we awaken to freedom, the more we realize this: it is what it is, things are what and how they are, and we simply don’t argue anymore with what is real in this moment. This does not mean we have to passively accept what is, however. The great thing about being human is that we have, much of the time, the power to change our circumstances if we don’t like them. If you are facing a situation that you don’t particularly like, you can change it, heal it, fix it, or—at the very least—learn to accept it and adapt to it. Adaptation to what is new or different is the main way that humanity continues to not only survive, but flourish. This is true of all living species. But still, the truth remains—in this moment, right now, your life and your situation is what it is. To realize this is itself liberating, freeing…

Progreesive Path Techniques

So, how easy is it to wake up to the truth of who and what you really are? How easy is it to become authentically, inwardly free—to realize that freedom, love, and harmony are your true nature? For those who wrestle with techniques related to “self” improvement—meditation, mantras, prayer, affirmations, visualizations, goal-setting, surrounding themselves with light, calling their angels—the way is often difficult, even arduous. Such methods, called the “progressive” path in nondual language, may bring comfort, solace, and even results, but they are still only band-aids. You have to keep applying them. After all, there is still this idea of a “you” needing help or protection.

The Deepest Wisdom

The deepest wisdom, sometimes called nondual wisdom, teaches us that it is the attachment to and identification with our personal “story”—especially the story of “I” and “me”—that creates all the emotional reactions in our body, and any suffering or drama we experience in our lives. Identification is when “you,” this “self” you take yourself to be, think or believe your “story” is real. Yes, our “story” is also the cause of much of the joy, happiness, and meaning we experience too, which is why it is very much a two-edged sword. When life meets our expectations—our “story”—we are happy. When it doesn’t, we are disappointed, and maybe even feel sad, miserable, or depressed. Unmet expectations create resentment, blame, and perpetuate the cycle of suffering. But as we get freer of our “story,” we abide more in the present moment, and we discover a deeper meaning in life, a more profound peace and harmony. We discover the joy in simply being. We find ourselves one with the flow of life and from this place—here and now—we can use the power of thought and intention to create that which is good, which serves our own and others’ well-being.

Self-Esteem

Issues around self-esteem are inevitable when we’re attached to, identified, with an image of “self.” When we take ourselves to be “somebody,” we tend to take everything “personally” and that is when our psychological and emotional problems begin—as exemplified in the story above, with the man who questioned Jean. But when we’re free of the personal “self,” our ego (because we have seen that it doesn’t actually exist), then we don’t take ourselves to be anybody. This frees us up to be, to live and to act as the beautiful, happy, creative, and loving people we really are. We are free to share our happiness with others!

Alice's Awakening, my new eNovella

Below an excerpt from my new eNovella, Alice’s Awakening, in which a fictional twelve year old girl tells the story of how she meets Jim Dreaver (who is very much alive and real!), a spiritual teacher and author of the nonfiction book, End Your Story, Begin Your Life in Douglas Park in Santa Monica. I told him my name, and stood near him. I immediately sensed there was something different about Jim. He seemed to be very patient and kind and his gaze was soft, warm, and welcoming (a word I learned from Jim). He reminded me in some ways of Uncle Charlie, but even more present. Then he asked me a question no one’s ever asked me before. “So, Alice, do you know who and what you really are?” “I’m me, of course,” I said. “I’m Alice.” “Alice is your name, yes… But the name ‘Alice,’ which is a lovely name, by the way, comes and goes… Do you know who and what you are behind your name, behind all your thoughts and ideas about who you are which also come and go?” I didn’t say anything as I thought about his question. It both puzzled and interested me: who and what am I behind my name, behind my thoughts? Suddenly, I wanted to know. I sat down on the bench a few feet away from him. I looked at him. He was still smiling in that kind way he had, and his blue eyes continued to sparkle. Finally I said, a little uncertainly, “I… I don’t know… I mean, I’ve never really thought about it… But now I’m really interested… I really want to know who and what I am behind my name, behind my thoughts…” He chuckled. “Beautiful, Alice… Because this knowledge, which is really the knowledge of your true nature, will free you from all fear and worry forever, essentially, so that you will be truly happy… And no matter what you end up doing with your gifts and talents, you’ll have a beautiful, wonderful life… And, even importantly, you’ll make a positive difference in the lives of others…” “That sounds really good to me,” I nodded, as I thought about what it would mean to be happy all the time, and make other people happier. “So, where do I begin?” “You begin right now with just sitting quietly on this bench, and noticing everything within and around you… Taking it all in…” To receive your own PDF of the novella, send a payment of $9.95 to jdreaver@aol.com via www.paypal.com

End Your Drama

Tired of the drama in your life, of living with a recurrent, underlying feeling of anxiety, fear, guilt, anger, or some other form of emotional reactivity? Want your life to flow more harmoniously, easily, and smoothly? All drama is created through believing a story of some kind, such as “Why does this always happen to me?” or “I guess I’m just not worthy.” But the more you see that you are not any story or the emotions they trigger—because they come and go—the freer and more alive in the present you are. Then you see everything with new eyes, and can take fresh action to deal with whatever problem may be facing you. Moreover, your heart really opens, and you feel immense love and compassion for everyone and everything.

The Final "Seeing"

You will look back on your life, your past, and realize how easy awakening actually is, when you take the direct, or nondual path, which is seeing that you are not any thought or story about what is happening, but rather the awareness or consciousness which sees. In other words, you are always this, right here, right now—this beautiful person, this human being that sees, experiences, and responds intelligently and creatively to the situations, including the challenges and problems, that arise in your own life and the lives of those whom you love and care about. What is needed for this final “seeing” that will liberate you from inner conflict, stress, and suffering forever? It is simple: again, you must be extremely vigilant, watchful your own mental and emotional reactions and disturbances whenever they arise, and then to see to “whom” they arise—this imaginary “I,” the ego “self” or “person” that you take yourself to be. So vigilance, and in particular, self-vigilance is the watchword. Truly, this is a teaching for our time. The more moments you have of this relaxed, but alert presence, the more it becomes your true nature. But argue for your “story,” and it’s yours.

Glimmers of Freedom

Regarding awakening , it takes time to undo the illusory sense of “self,” the “story” you’ve been fabricating in your mind and in your emotional being since you were very, very young. But if you are committed to waking up and becoming free, the undoing gets easier and easier. It begins with getting glimmers, tastes of the freedom that is your true nature. You feel much clearer, more loving, more creatively empowered, although strangely it is not a personal sense of power, but impersonal—your power just is. It flows through you, from the universe itself. You intuit that your true nature is love, and this wonderful sense of inner freedom and empowerment.

Easy Awakening

Awakening is easy if you remember this: every time you experience conflict, upset, or suffering take a deep, slow breath, and relax as much as you can into being here now. Then notice how you are not any thought or story about what seems to be happening—not even the “I” or “me” thoughts—because they, like the emotional reactions they trigger, come and go. Rather, you are the clear, spacious awareness that is always, always here. The more you realize this, the more you embody the liberating sense of freedom that is your true nature. Then your heart opens to everyone, and everything in your life flows more easily because you no longer resist anything.

Permission

I want to say something here about permission. When people are not awake to their true nature, it’s as if they are always seeking someone’s permission—be it a parent, a friend, or someone else in society—to be themselves, to be who they want to be. And society, being what it is, and depending on its culture and customs, has rules and guidelines around behavior that is and is not acceptable. But awakening to the truth within frees you from needing anyone’s permission to be yourself. The more awake and free you are, the more you are guided by the flow of wisdom, love, and joy within. You need no one’s permission to be yourself, and are guided by the one simple rule that every conscious person lives by: do no harm, to self or other.

The Ego's Need to Be Right

You ego, in a nutshell, is simply your “I” or “me” thought. This means that everyone has an ego, so the idea of “ego annihilation,” still persistent in some spiritual circles, is an illusion. The shift in perception that is realization is to see that you have an ego, but you are not your ego. So long as you still believe you are this “I” or “me” you’ve taken yourself to be since you were very young, you will always feel separate and apart from other human beings, other “selves,” and from the flow of life itself. Ego or “self” identification is to live in duality, in conflict and suffering. There is the “me” and what it wants or likes (health, money, sex, possessions, etc.), and then there is the flip side, the “me” and what it doesn’t want, or doesn’t like. One of the main characteristics of ego-identification is that it always needs to be right, because it needs to affirm its own existence, the existences of this “self,” the “person” that it takes itself to be. For example, if it is preoccupied with thoughts of low self-esteem, low self-worth, or an existential meaninglessness, it may be drawn to the idea of suicide, “self” extinction. So, even in doing away with itself, it continues to get to be right. The shadow side of the ego’s need to be right is that, in order to maintain its belief in itself as a separate entity, it needs to make other egos, other “selves” wrong. This dynamic is behind most of the conflict and suffering in the world.

The Buddha's Secret

During my recent Esalen Institute seminar, I was lounging in the hot baths one morning, overlooking the vast Pacific Ocean. Then I looked up at a statue of the Buddha in the hillside garden just above the baths. As I contemplated his partially open eyes, and his mystical, half-smile, I suddenly realized his ancient yet timeless message to humanity—his “secret,” as it were: “I exist here, now, one with the ease, harmony, and flow of life—and I invite you into the same realization.” In terms of tangible knowledge, the only thing we can “know” for certain is that we exist here, now. In this moment now, we exist as the aware, conscious beings—the men and women—we are. This was and is the Buddha’s secret. This feeling of existing here, now, when you really settle into it, is characterized by a quality of infinite, spacious awareness which has no center, other than the feeling of “you” experiencing your existence, and no border. It truly is infinite, unbounded, and universal. This awareness that you most essentially are is aware of everything happening in your inner and outer environment: thoughts, sensations, sounds, feelings, emotions, events, and circumstances. Notice how everything you observe happening within and around you is also is also characterized by a single quality: it comes and goes, arises and disappears within the spacious awareness of your existing here, now. The realization that the only thing we can “know” for certain is that we exist here, now, is the essence of awakening, self-realization, or enlightenment. Every person who is awake and free has come to the realization that they are not their thoughts or stories—not even their “I” and “me” thoughts—all of which come and go, but the ever-present, aware, conscious being or person who is existing here, now. This is why those who are awake and free talk about living in the present, in your experience here, now, so much. This is why I talk about it. When you are awake to your true nature, to the fact of your existence here, now, you realize that this moment right now is actually all there ever is. Even when you imagine, think about, an event that will happen later, it too is only real when “later” becomes the now.

Five Tools for Shifting Perception

Here are Five Tools for shifting perception and awakening out of the ego’s grip into the ease, harmony, and flow of our true nature: 1) The Teaching. The teaching is that the whole world of thought that exists between your ears, including the “I” and “me” thoughts, the ego thoughts, is illusory, yet you—as this aware, conscious being—are still very much here, present and alive in this moment. 2) The Practice of Freedom. This is a simple, three-step process for freeing yourself from the grip of the illusory thoughts (that you still “believe,” or take to be real) whenever you are caught in upset, conflict, or suffering. 3) Conscious Meditation, Conscious Mind. Conscious Meditation is a practice where you actually have the experience of yourself being awake and free, one with the ease, harmony, and flow of your true nature. Conscious Mind is where, when you are in the meditative state, the flow of freedom, you experience using thought, free of the self-obsessing “I” and “me,” as a powerful tool for creative thinking, brain-storming, planning, and setting goals and intentions. 4) The Concept of Residues. Understanding this concept, that even long after you have finally awakened to freedom, residues of old ego patterns and behaviors can still arise from time-to-time, allows us to relax and flow with life, it’s ups and downs, even more easily . After all, we are still human, and we still have an ego, even though we’ve now realized we are not our ego. 5) Conscious Connection. This is where our inner freedom manifests in the world of our human relationships. The freer you are of the “I,” the “me,” the freer you are of your reactive personality, the more able you are to meet others, friends or strangers, in an open-eyed, warm, natural, and welcoming way. This is what will produce the healing that is so sorely needed in our world!

Ordinary Man, Extraordinary Realization

I am an ordinary man with an extraordinary realization. It has allowed me to live stress-free, in peace and freedom, at one with the harmony and flow of life and all its many ups and downs, these past seventeen years. What is my secret? It is all revealed in clear, simple language in my book, End Your Story, Begin Your Life: Wake Up, Let Go, Live Free. Every human being on earth can have the same realization I enjoy. There is nothing you have to do. All that’s required is a deep, fundamental shift in the way you see reality. Come sit with me, hear what I have to say, soak up the energy of being, and get your questions answered. You can “sit” at your desk during one of my online programs, join me at one of my gatherings in Los Angeles where I live, or come to our magical, transformational retreat at Esalen Institute, near Big Sur, California, September 9 – 14. Register online at www.esalen.org, type ‘jim dreaver’ into the search box, or call Esalen at 831-667-3005. For my full schedule of events, visit http://www.jimdreaver.com/teaching-schedule.html

A Story of Sexual Abuse

Stephanie , a middle-aged woman, had come to the workshop with a friend who had encouraged her to break out of her shell. “I’m sure you’ll learn something new that will help you heal,” her friend said, as they were driving down the coast to Esalen. As the workshop began, Stephanie was contracted and very sad, and revealed—when everybody shared a little about their particular story—that she was the victim of a long-ago traumatic experience of sexual abuse at the hands of her father. As a result, she hadn’t spoken to her father in years. She was overweight, having used food for self-protection, and lived with a lot of fear and paranoia, which had affected her sleeping patterns and everything else in her life. She had difficulty getting close to men, not trusting them, above all not trusting herself. She seemed to trust her husband, however, the only man she felt safe with. A few days into the workshop, Stephanie plucked up the courage to ask me a question. “How can you say that what my father did to me is not real? I think of him touching me when I was a child, and my whole being recoils. It was horrible!” “The event was definitely real when it happened, and that needs to be honored,” I said gently, “but telling yourself the story over and over again, reliving the memories, keeps the painful experience alive. When you see that you are not your story, nor your memories, but rather the beautiful, aware person who is here right now, everything will begin to change for you.” She took in what I said, nodding silently. Over the next few days, her energy shifted noticeably. She became much more present. She relaxed and smiled more, and confessed to the group that she was finally getting tired of the “victim” story she had believed all these years. She was even feeling more forgiving toward her father, realizing that she needed to forgive him for her own inner peace. At the end of the workshop, we gave each other a warm hug. “Thank you,” she said. “Something has changed in me. A burden has been lifted, and I feel lighter, freer… I am going to call my father when I get home. I realize now that he was acting out of his own troubled history when he molested me, and I want him to know that.”