How The Unchecked Ego is Our Undoing

To arrive at this awareness of our true nature, it helps to look more closely at this ego, this “self” you’ve taken yourself to be.

     

The first thing to know about the ego is that it underpins your self-image, your self-identity, your self-concept and, as such, is tied in with your self-worth or self-esteem, how you think about and judge this “self” that you imagine yourself to be. The ego accumulates knowledge, facts, ersatz “truths” and all the memories of past hurts, traumas, as well as successes, to pack around itself and convince itself that it is real.

     

In order to survive as a separate identity/belief, it then needs to always feel in control of its domain—of you, in other words. Your ego needs to know it is right. It needs to be right, to justify its actions, however misguided. And in order to be right, it needs to make other egos wrong, or at least judge them in some way—better than, less than, or superior or inferior to—in order to maintain its comfortable status quo.

     

It does this, in the most extreme cases, through comparing, criticizing, blaming, castigating, condemning, denouncing, disparaging, reprimanding, and generally finding fault with anything or anyone that does not measure up to its standards. On the other hand, when it finds an ego that it is in agreement with, or wants to be like, to emulate, it causes you to act in a way that seeks approval or—in more extreme cases—become flattering, fawning, sweet-talking, and doing whatever it takes to curry favor.

     

The ego projects its viewpoint out onto the world, in other words, and measures everything by its projection, as in: “Is this person acting or behaving the way I think they should be?”

     

So, whenever you find yourself caught in one of these behaviors—comparing yourself as better than or less than another human being in some way—you are caught in your ego. Becoming aware of being caught is the key to shifting your behavior, and moving into a place of greater freedom and presence.

           

And you become aware by realizing that your ego is essentially just a thought, the “I” or “me” thought, and its importance in your life has been that you have built your whole identity around it—your entire personality—since about age two. And this is why it takes time to undo, to get free of, your ego.

Desire

Teilhard de Chardin expressed our true nature perfectly when he said: “We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” As a human being you have a story, you have thoughts, including the “I” and “me” thoughts, but your true nature is the pure, aware spaciousness—your spiritual essence—you connect with when you do the practice.

     

Because you are human, you’ll still have the normal human desires for food, shelter, sleep, sex, and creative expression, but the nature of desire changes as you become freer and more present. You realize that desire is an inherent part of your life force and you honor it as such, but you’re no longer attached to your desires.

     

If a particular desire cannot be fulfilled right now, you’re okay with that. You just allow it to fall away. After all, the energy of desire is always there, waiting to arise again, and maybe it will be satisfied the next time. Again, you, as this conscious, aware being you are, are always bigger than, senior to, anything you experience. 

     

It is the same with what I call “residues” of old ego patterns and behaviors. Even after realizing the truth within, you still have an ego; you still have a personality, so you can still be subject to the ego’s neuroses. If you tended to be an angry person before realization —or impatient, or afraid of confrontation, or insensitive to the needs of others—eighty or eighty-five percent of that neurosis will fall away after you wake up. 

     

But you will still have tendencies to get caught up in your old patterns even after you are now awake and free, and have found the source of happiness within.

     

The difference now is that you see it much more quickly, and in the seeing, it falls away. Yes, you may need to apologize for your behavior, or even make amends to someone affected by it, but you do that relatively easily, maybe with the words: “I’m sorry, I got caught up in an old ego residue there…”

     

Then you will just smile, and come back to where you always live: right here, now, alert and completely open to life in the present moment…

Dark Night of the Soul

You may find yourself having a “dark night of the soul” experience, where the existential pain is such that your life feels devoid of meaning and purpose. But this too is an opportunity to find a deeper truth, the truth that is at the heart of your being.

       

Hakuin, the influential Zen master who lived almost four centuries ago, referred to the dark night as “great doubt.” He said: “At the bottom of great doubt lies great awakening. If you doubt fully, you will awaken fully.”

       

You have to be really present with these feelings, this deeper angst. You have to be very alert, watchful, almost like a scientist in your curiosity to discover what is true in you.

      

 If you look deeply enough within, past memories, usually of something traumatic that happened long ago in childhood, will often arise. When they do, you must learn to welcome them because they are showing you where you are not free, where you are not abiding in the peace and happiness that is your true nature. So, the secret is to learn to welcome them, accept them, embrace them—and then see that they are not real either!

      

They may certainly have once been true—after all, the traumatic event, whether it was getting separated from your mother in the store, or being molested by a relative, did happen—but the memory or story is not true now. It is only a thought, a story, which has surfaced from the past into your conscious mind.

       

The more aware you are of that thought, the more deeply and slowly you breathe, and consciously be present with it—and actually see it arising within your inner visual field—the  more it dissolves, and you find yourself experiencing a deeper level of release, of letting go. 

The old emotion triggered by the memory unwinds, releases, and you find yourself relaxing more into the present. You experience more ease, more inner harmony. You can see and think more clearly.

      

You realize: “Wow, I was really caught up in a past event just then, a prior traumatic experience that I believed was true, but now I see was just an unconscious memory that was running me, and preventing me from realizing an even deeper level of freedom.”

       

And then you’ll probably breathe even more deeply, relax, and let go—and look around you, and smile, and just enjoy your new-found sense of freedom. Maybe you’ll even congratulate yourself: you have just discovered your own way to inner freedom, to exorcising these demons from the past…

Feeling Your Existence

To feel yourself existing here now—in this very unfolding moment—is to experience an underlying, unchanging current of ease, harmony, and flow. It’s to know and to feel a happiness and inner peace that doesn’t depend on any circumstance, on any “thing,” least of all a thought, belief, or story. It just shines on its own, flows out of your very being.

     

Then, from this place of being very present you use the power of thought consciously to manifest what your heart truly wants in your life, to create more of what you love. It’s brilliant, really. So, so simple, when you see it!

     

Moreover, when you realize that happiness and inner peace is your true nature, it results, over time, in a deep wisdom or knowing, and an ever-flowing feeling of love in your heart. You recognize that this is the natural state of all humanity, of each person, and you want to share the good news with those who are open to it, ready for it.

     

And that’s when the real joy comes to you, the delight you experience when sharing with others …

What is Real?

What is real, in this ever-changing, impermanent world of thoughts, sensations, feelings, emotions, events, and circumstances?

     

The awareness or consciousness that you exist, here and now, is real. It is always real. You’ve been aware of yourself as existing pretty much from the time you were very young. And, if you look back, you’ll realize that this awareness—“Wow! I exist here, now…”—has not changed. It is the one thing that has always been true, constant. It is the one thing that is true right now, even as everything else in your life has changed—your body, your beliefs, your friendships and relationships, your circumstances.

     

That you exist, as an aware, conscious being—a human being—is undeniable. You don’t need any defining belief or story about yourself to know that. This realization of yourself existing right here, right now is the real secret of happiness and inner peace. It is what has been called, in various spiritual traditions, enlightenment, awakening, or self-realization.

     

To feel yourself existing here now—in this very unfolding moment—is to experience an underlying, unchanging current of ease, harmony, and flow. It’s to know and to feel a happiness and inner peace that doesn’t depend on any circumstance, on any “thing,” least of all a thought, belief, or story. It just shines on its own, flows out of your very being.

     

Then, from this place of being very present you use the power of thought consciously to manifest what your heart truly wants in your life, to create more of what you love. It’s brilliant, really. So, so simple, when you see it!

     

Moreover, when you realize that happiness and inner peace is your true nature, it results, over time, in a deep wisdom or knowing, and an ever-flowing feeling of love in your heart. You recognize that this is the natural state of all humanity, of each person, and you want to share the good news with those who are open to it, ready for it.

     

And that’s when the real joy comes to you, the delight you experience when sharing with others …